Egg freezing, or oocyte cryopreservation, is a method of storing a woman’s unfertilised eggs in an attempt to preserve their fertility.
First performed in the 1980s, the process has long been used for health reasons; in particular, by women diagnosed with cancer who want to conserve their fertility ahead of treatments known to damage the ovaries, like chemotherapy and radiation.
Making the decision to undergo the procedure is a huge one, but one thing we probably don’t speak enough about is what happens further down the track once you’ve had it done. Like, what happens once you get in a new relationship?
Navigating the dating world can be tough, but even more so if you feel like you need to hold back from revealing an important part of your life. As many Aussie women are increasingly turning to egg freezing, they have to consider how and when they should share it with a potential partner.
Hinge’s Director of Relationship Science, Logan Ury – who has her frozen her own eggs – has provided us with tips on when in a relationship is best to disclose to someone you’ve frozen your eggs, as well as how to navigate any difficult conversations while dating.
Check them out below.
1. Model the vulnerability you want the other person to reciprocate
This can be a sensitive topic, so you want to approach the conversation with vulnerability while allowing the other person to open up and share their own experiences too. When initiating the conversation, you can say something like “I have been dating for a while and I know I want a family in the next few years. What about you? Do you know if you want a family?”. You’ll come across as self-aware, rather than needy. You’re creating space for the other person to share their perspective.
2. Own your story
Remember that you don’t need to apologise and you’re not asking for their approval. You made this decision for yourself, not for anyone else. I recommend saying something like, “To give myself a bit of extra time, and to lower the pressure to find someone right away, I decided to freeze my eggs a few years ago.”
3. Be clear on what you’re saying and why
Of course telling someone you froze your eggs does not mean you automatically want to have their children. However, some people may digest the information that way. Make sure to approach the conversation as just that — a conversation. You’re sharing this information with them because it matters to you, not because you have specific expectations of what you two will do in the future.
4. Invite them to ask questions
Understand that this could be unchartered waters for them. They may not understand the process or what it could mean for them or the two of you in the future. Invite them to ask questions if there’s anything else they want to know.
5. Like any serious conversation, be prepared!
Rehearse the topic with friends or family members and practice how you’ll bring it up so you feel confident during the chat. And remember, if they are quick to judge or shut down the conversation, that may be a sign they aren’t ready for a serious partner.
This Is What It’s Really Like To Freeze Your Eggs
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